what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
