I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
