4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
