I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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