This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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