Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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