I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
