i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
