you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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