he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
