is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
