He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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