Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
