dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
