DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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