Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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