I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
