I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
