Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
