So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
