So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
