Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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