I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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