my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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