mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
