I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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