i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
