this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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