I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
