i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
