I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
