She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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