the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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