when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
