she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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