Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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