He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
