Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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