got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
