he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
