I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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