that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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