Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
