3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
