Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
