for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
