You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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