she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
