My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
