I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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