Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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