"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
