please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
