dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
