so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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