I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
