What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
