I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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