Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
