I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
