I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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