can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
