I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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