Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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