jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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