literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everclear isn't food dammit
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
