I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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