i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
