Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
