I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
