Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.