Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?