Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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