How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off