I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.